Hair loss, couples, identity, friends, family, social stigma, transplant, family This is why couples should talk about hair loss, Image: Supplied
Hair is an expression of identity, which means that hair loss can have a major impact on a person’s confidence and self-esteem, both for men and women. While the stigma around balding and hair transplants is slowly vanishing, many men still fear discussing the topic with their friends, family, or even their spouses
Dr Kashmal Kalan, Medical Director of the Alvi Armani hair restoration clinic in South Africa, reveals that men especially feel the weight of social stigma around cosmetic procedures. “Half of the male patients I meet with haven’t told their partners they’re considering treatment. We’ve had instances where, on the morning of the transplant, men admit they haven’t told their wives and children they’re having a six-hour procedure that day.”
According to Dr Kalan, this secrecy often stems from a fear of ridicule, mocking, or simply a lack of support. “When I ask patients whether they’ve spoken to their partners about the operation, and they say no, it shows just how self-conscious and simultaneously unsupported they feel, often convincing themselves it’s better to go it alone. But the truth is that it’s a long journey, and achieving the desired results can take months. Having encouragement through that time is invaluable.”
Yet, he explains, the clinic also often sees the opposite. “Some patients bring the whole family, with their wife, children, mom, sister, and dad sitting in the waiting room. As a result, the entire family feels included, and understands the process from start to finish, which also tends to make them more empathetic and supportive. The patient never feels alone and is, ultimately, more confident in the results.”
Household dynamics and recognising the emotional toll of hair loss
Dr Kalan points to distinct differences in how men and women approach hair restoration. “For women, there’s nearly always support, because it’s seen as normal to want to look better. But for men, it can be a struggle. Some partners might question why they want to change, and others believe they’re being supportive by saying ‘I like you just the way you are,’ or ‘You’ve looked this way for years – why change it now?’ without realising this comes off as dismissive instead.”
However, hair loss can carry a significant psychological burden. For men, restoring their hair may be less about vanity and more about reclaiming confidence. “Some 99.9% of patients have an underlying psychological reason for wanting to undergo a procedure – the other 0.1% might just want thicker, fuller hair.
“We see many men in their twenties and thirties who have been mocked at school or university, are perceived as older by their peers in the workplace, or simply feel they’re otherwise not being taken seriously. For men, it’s important to be honest with your partner or family about how hair loss affects you. Once the emotional or psychological aspect is understood, it quickly becomes clear to your loved ones why their support is so important.”
Fortunately, the cultural climate around male aesthetic procedures is gradually shifting. Younger generations, in particular, seem more open to discussing their hair concerns with family, owing to a broader acceptance of self-improvement and self-care. Still, pockets of resistance remain, especially in households where traditional expectations of masculinity discourage men from voicing their insecurities or taking steps to address them.
“Many men have developed this idea that it’s not okay to talk about their appearances or mental and emotional needs, when in fact the opposite might be true in their current circumstances. Often, when they take a chance and open up, they find that the people in their lives are encouraging rather than critical,” adds Dr Kalan.
“Taking care of your physical needs, including your appearance, is now considered more of a mental health priority in South Africa. In general, it’s less frowned upon for men to change their looks to match the image they have of themselves, but there’s still a lot of work to be done for men to accept that it’s okay to want change, and for loved ones to show more support. It’s up to us to make this change in our own lives, and the lives of our loved ones,” he concludes.
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