No matter how hard you work or how many hours you put in, no job you do or piece of work you complete is good enough or measures up to the high standards you set for yourself. Picture: Pexels
When it comes to discussions about mental health in the workplace, the points debated generally relate to toxic company cultures, demanding bosses and unrealistic workloads.
But is there something to be said about the pressure we put on ourselves?
Setting high standards and ambitious goals for ourselves can be very healthy endeavours but sometimes, if unrealistic, these can spur on negative talk and foster a very unhealthy feeling of failure.
So, how do you know when you’re being too hard on yourself?
“In a world where perfection and over functioning is applauded, it’s not surprising that we find people today doing much more at work than is healthy, appropriate and necessary,” Emma-Jane Truter, Founder and Head Social Media Strategist at Emma Is Social, a Cape Town based social media studio said.
“But this overworking obsession is particularly damaging to one’s mental health when it’s coupled with unhealthy and unfounded self-criticism,” Truter added.
Drawing on her experience in this regard, Truter points to three signs that are a good indication that you may be being too hard on yourself at work.
No matter how hard you work or how many hours you put in, no job you do or piece of work you complete is good enough or measures up to the high standards you set for yourself. Sound familiar?
Interestingly, most people will say yes - because not feeling good enough is one of the most common thoughts and feelings that people experience. But when it gets to a point when you can see nothing good in absolutely anything you do, you could have a very serious problem.
Negative thoughts of this kind can rapidly become more intense and debilitating, particularly in the workplace – not only affecting your performance but your relationship with your co-workers too.
“Some very capable people are extremely quick to question their own abilities and find fault with everything they do,” Truter said.
“Some call it imposter syndrome, where you always feel like an unqualified fake or phony, while others attribute it to low self-esteem. Whatever the reason or cause, consistent self-doubt and negative self-talk can open you up to a myriad of mental health issues including burnout, anxiety and depression.”
Changing your perspective about yourself, from a negative to a positive, won’t happen overnight. But a good way to start rewiring the way you think about yourself is to find, admit and accept your strengths.
Start with the small ones and work up to the big ones.
There’s a reason you were selected for the role or position you’re in, let yourself find the positives and work on strengthening these, rather than fixating on the negatives.
Giving and receiving compliments are part of everyday life, but it’s how you respond to a compliment that is extremely telling. If you had to think about the last time someone gave you a compliment about your work, how did you react? If you responded with an immediate ‘but’ or instantly started explaining ten different reasons why you actually don’t deserve the praise – this is a strong sign that you are being too hard on yourself.
“I think we can all admit that accepting compliments can be awkward at times,” explains Truter. “But there is great power in accepting and acknowledging a compliment, particularly when you’ve worked hard on something. Feeling recognised for a job well done can do wonders for your morale, so you’re doing yourself a major disservice by failing to allow yourself to accept a compliment.”
For some people, however, being unable to accept a compliment results from one not actually believing the compliment that is being given. This could indicate low self-worth or low self-esteem and is best tackled through speaking with a therapist.
In the workplace, its quite common to hear about co-workers ‘throwing each other under the bus’ or ‘not accepting responsibility’ for a mistake made on a project.
Shifting blame and not taking responsibility at the office can create a toxic environment but accepting blame for absolutely everything can be just as damaging for your mental health.
“If you find that you are blaming yourself for things that are beyond your control, like technology not working for a meeting, key people being late or even the weather, it’s time to start taking a step back and reassessing your thought processes,” Truter said.
“Taking responsibility is admirable, but making everything your fault is damaging. You cannot carry everything on your shoulders, things will eventually come crashing down if you continue to fuel this mindset.”
Blaming yourself is not only harmful but it’s counterproductive too, particularly in the workplace. Self-blame holds you back from moving forward with important tasks and will often damage the way your co-workers and bosses see you.
“Blaming, like many of the other signs of being hard on yourself often comes from past experiences or trauma, and it unfortunately leads to continuous self-criticism and mental health challenges.
Your route out of self-blame, however, is to firstly find the root of your feelings and second to find a way to foster self-respect. These are both crucial to begin the process of change towards healing. And you don’t need to do this alone. Whether its an app, a therapist or just another person to confide in, you can with a bit of work start learning to be kinder to, and less hard, on yourself,” Truter said.
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