Why Selena Gomez struggles to embrace happiness: the fear of it being 'too good to be true'

You might expect happiness to come naturally once life gets better.

The tough times are over, you’ve found love, your career is going well, but instead of feeling joyful, there’s an odd sense of unease. It’s like a small voice inside says, “Don’t get too comfortable. This won’t last.”

If you’ve ever felt this, you’re not alone, and neither is Selena Gomez.

During an emotional appearance at Fortune’s Most Powerful Women conference, the 33-year-old singer and Rare Beauty founder, whose brand is now valued at over $2 billion, admitted she sometimes struggles to let joy in, even when life is beautiful.

“Something great happens, and I expect something bad to happen,” she said. “Instead of being present, I’m always thinking, ‘OK, but this could all go away tomorrow.’”

Even on her wedding day to music producer Benny Blanco, Gomez confessed she cried not from joy, but from fear. “I got married and then I was sobbing because I was like, ‘I’m gonna die the next day'.”

This kind of honesty is deeply human. But why do so many people feel this way? Why can happiness sometimes feel unsafe?

1. The “too good to be true” syndrome

Psychologists call it hedonic anxiety, the fear of happiness itself. According to a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, people who’ve experienced trauma, loss, or instability often associate joy with vulnerability. In simple terms: when you’ve been hurt before, happiness can feel like a setup.

Our brains are built to spot threats, not to hold on to joy. So when life finally feels calm, our minds, always on alert, start looking for problems, even if nothing is wrong.

For someone like Gomez, who’s been open about her struggles with mental health and public scrutiny, it’s not surprising that joy comes mixed with fear.

2. When imposter syndrome steals your joy

Even when everything looks perfect, imposter syndrome can creep in and quietly whisper that you don’t deserve it. A report from Psychology Today found that imposter syndrome affects up to 70% of successful people, including high achievers in entertainment and business.

We start thinking, “What if I don’t deserve this happiness?” or “What if they realise I’m not as good as they think?” In those moments, we emotionally sabotage ourselves, withholding joy as a twisted form of protection.

Gomez herself admitted she sometimes feels like she doesn’t “deserve to be in the room” despite her achievements. And that’s the paradox: the higher we climb, the harder it can be to believe we belong there.

3. The pressure to be “constantly happy”

Modern culture doesn’t help either. Social media has turned happiness into a highlight reel, perfectly curated and permanently on display. As a result, we start treating happiness like a performance rather than an experience.

Clinical psychologist Dr Laurie Santos, who teaches Yale University’s most popular course, The Science of Well-Being, says that “chasing happiness” can actually make us less happy. When we believe we must feel good all the time, we start judging normal emotional fluctuations as failure.

Real happiness, she says, is less about perfection and more about presence. It’s about allowing the full spectrum of emotions to exist, the joy, the fear, the uncertainty, without labelling them as wrong.

4. Past pain shapes present joy

For many, the inability to stay happy is rooted in old emotional wounds. When life has taught you that peace doesn’t last, your nervous system remains on high alert even during good times. It’s what trauma experts call anticipatory anxiety.

Our bodies remember emotional pain long after our minds have moved on. So when things finally go right, your brain might still be waiting for something to go wrong.

Awareness is the first step to healing. By noticing when joy feels threatening, we can slowly retrain our minds to believe we are safe even in happiness. As a practical next step, consider taking a few moments each day to write down three things that brought you joy, no matter how small.

This simple exercise can help reinforce positive experiences and make happiness feel more familiar and secure.

5. Learning to stay in the moment

The truth is, happiness isn’t a permanent destination; it’s a series of moments that require our full attention. That means slowing down, grounding yourself, and allowing joy to coexist with uncertainty.

Even Gomez, loved, successful and newly married, is still learning how to stay present in her joy. And maybe that’s the most relatable thing of all.

Happiness isn’t about erasing fear or sadness; it’s about making room for both. It’s about whispering to yourself, “I am allowed to feel this."

Because the truth is, life will always have its ups and downs.

But the ability to sit in the sunlight, even just for a moment, without worrying about the clouds? That’s where the real magic lives.