Do men and women talk about the F-word differently? Turns out they do. File photo.
When it comes to finances, women are more comfortable sharing than men, according to Sanlam’s recent research. Understanding how each gender prefers to speak 'money' makes for more harmonious relationships, better decision-making, and positive financial outcomes.
Here are some key findings from Sanlam’s 'Dirtiest Word' survey, with insights from personal finance author, Sam Beckbessinger, and registered relationship therapist and mental health advocate, Luxolo Isabelle Dywili.
1. Women's Worry: When speaking about finances with friends, 37% of women experience feelings of worry, versus 29% of men.
Sam explains, “Women earn less than men, have fewer savings, and are socialised to believe they are less capable of managing money.
“South Africa has a significant gender pay gap. We rank 111th out of 146 countries when looking at ‘wage equity for similar work’. Women earn about 35% less than men for equivalent jobs. There are three main factors that drive this:
·Industries dominated by women have lower average pay than industries dominated by men.
The result of these forms of gender inequality is that women end up with much lower lifetime savings than men. Generally, women live longer than men but enter retirement with only three-quarters of the retirement savings that men do. So, of course women are stressed about money!”
Crucially, some progress has been made, with significant improvements in terms of women’s access to finance, for example. This is extremely hopeful as women are often innate super-savers; empowering women to own their financial futures with confidence, from girlhood, is key. Girls must feel competent and in control.
2. Men's Confidence: When speaking about finances with friends, more men feel competent (14% vs. 7%) and proud (20% vs 8%).
Isabelle believes some of this stems from the idea that ‘nice girls don’t brag’, “Women are raised not to show off and be boastful. It’s crucial for women to get comfortable talking about financial success because it motivates and inspires other women, building confidence and self-esteem. By discussing their wins, women can also openly address issues such as pay parity and encourage each other to save and invest.”
We need to teach girls to be confident from the get-go. That means deliberately excluding any language that implies women are ‘the weaker sex’. It means encouraging girls to be proud of and vocal about their wins. And emphasising gender equality. Observing mom being just as competent and confident about money as dad, is critical, for example.
3. Budget Speech Reluctance: More men (27%) are reluctant to discuss their budget than women (22%).
Sam notes, “Women's greater involvement in managing the household budget reflects their larger share of day-to-day family responsibilities.” Women are also slightly more likely to regularly ‘speak finance’ with their children, so hopefully their willingness to talk about budgeting means it’s a critical topic they’re teaching their kids. Sharing how much the family has to spend, staying within these limits, and setting goals together are crucial life lessons.
4. Discomfort in Financial Discussions: Men feel more uncomfortable discussing finances with friends for various reasons:
Isabelle believes money may bring up feelings of shame, guilt and competition for men, with societal pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle even at the cost of financial strain.
She adds, “Men face social pressure to provide, therefore it is natural for them to be fearful that others might ask for financial help. There’s fear over whether they’ll be able to assist when they’re already financially overcommitted. This can vindicate shame and guilt around money, catalysing feeling flawed and unworthy. Men are weary of the amount of financial stress they are under.”
We need to find more ways to allow men to feel safe to speak about these things without fear of judgement or further responsibility. This needs to start with encouraging boys to speak about stresses freely.
5. Women's Comfort: Although more women (61%) than men (58%) grew up in homes where money wasn't discussed, women are still more comfortable talking about finances.
Isabelle says, “Women realise that the best way to learn about something is to talk about it. They often have better social support from friends and family, which creates a safe space to discuss money. Sanlam’s Dirtiest Word campaign aims to amplify this to create more ‘safety’ for all South Africans to share their financial journeys freely.”
6. Separate Finances: 19% of women vs. 17% of men are inclined to keep their finances separate.
Sam posits, “Most women still earn less than men, so on paper, women have the most to gain from pooling incomes. However, as the traditional model fades, more couples are choosing to manage some of their money separately, driven mostly by women. Men, who have historically been the primary earners, take financial independence for granted. Women have to actively avoid financial dependence. Too many of us have grown up observing how our female relatives’ financial dependence made them vulnerable to financial abuse.”
7. Financial Advisers: 60% of men vs. 47% of women are comfortable discussing their finances with an adviser.
Sam says, “Frustratingly, most financial advisers are still men, so it's harder for women to find female advisers who may be more likely to understand their contexts. Because women take on more care responsibilities, financial planning conversations need to be holistic, accounting for their myriad competing worries. Effective conversations should be framed around financial goals, not products. Women have distinct financial needs to men, such as longer life expectancies, lower risk tolerance, and lower incomes. We need to make the industry more approachable. All advisers should be upskilled in speaking specifically to women’s unique challenges.”
Starting Financial Conversations:
Often, when couples are arguing about money, that’s simply because there’s not enough of it. These arguments are often about mismatched values, different goals, or feeling like their partner doesn’t see or respect the value they bring to the partnership, particularly when one person is doing more work in the home and the other person is earning a bigger paycheque.
“The process of sitting down with your partner and working on a financial plan can be very helpful. It forces you to talk about your values, discuss how you’ll handle financial emergencies before they happen, and have some fun fantasising about your future together. It can help to have a professional guide you through this process.”
PERSONAL FINANCE