Words on wealth: how blended families can live in financial harmony

South Africa has one of the highest divorce rates on the continent, with Stats SA reporting that about 40% of marriages end before their 10th anniversary. After a divorce, people typically enter into new partnerships, often bringing with them children from a previous marriage. It’s in these “blended” families that finances can become extremely complex.

What happens when partners with their own children and separate financial histories merge to form a new family? Who pays for what? How do you manage obligations to children from a previous marriage while protecting your new household? And how do you navigate sensitive issues around inheritance and estate planning? 

Claire Steyn, a Certified Financial Planning professional at BDO Wealth Advisers, and Kyle Abrahams, in-house attorney at BDO Wealth, are experienced in dealing with the financial needs of blended families and offer guidance on how to deal with the complexities.

Legal obligations on divorce

Abrahams says the law is clear on your obligations to your children and possibly to your ex-spouse. He says the two main legal issues that usually come up are:

• Parental rights and responsibilities. “These are set out in the Children’s Act. When a couple with children separates, it's important for them to put a formal parenting plan in place. This outlines things like where the children will live, how decisions will be made, and how often the children will see each parent. A proper plan helps both parents to work together more peacefully and gives them something to rely on legally if one parent doesn’t stick to the agreement,” he says.
• Child and spousal maintenance. “Child maintenance is a legal obligation and duty that biological and adoptive parents have – it’s not something you can opt out of. This obligation doesn’t end automatically when a child turns 18; instead, it may continue until they are able to support themselves, which is something a court will decide. Spousal maintenance is different – it’s not automatic and only applies if a court orders it after considering various factors,” Abrahams says.

He says that, legally, stepparents do not have an automatic duty to support their stepchildren. “However, if a stepparent agrees (formally or informally) to take on responsibilities such as paying school fees or medical bills, they might be held to this contractually.”

Planning for financial harmony

Steyn says achieving harmony in a blended family goes far beyond just the financial and legal obligations – it’s important to take the family’s emotions into account. Three simple steps to do this are:

• Acknowledge the commitment. “Maintenance and support are not just legal obligations, they’re moral ones. Framing them as part of your values helps reduce resentment and fosters peace of mind. At the end of the day, children shouldn’t have to suffer because things didn’t work out between the two people who brought them into this world,” she says.
• Budget with empathy. “Regard budgeted payments as fixed, non-negotiable items in your financial plan. This removes emotional friction and allows you to plan for your new family without feeling like you're choosing between them,” Steyn says.
• Communicate openly. “If possible, maintain respectful communication with your ex-spouse. Transparency about changes in your financial circumstances, such as job loss or increased expenses, can help avoid conflict and foster cooperation.”

Steyn says that balancing financial obligations in a new family means having a unified financial plan. “Involve your new partner early in financial discussions. Use joint planning sessions to align on goals, values, and expectations. Understand which expenses you agree to keep separate and which will be shared. For example, you could consider a joint bank account for shared expenses and individual accounts to maintain autonomy and reduce tension.

“Always make sure that there is fairness as opposed to equality. Balancing doesn’t always mean equal amounts; it means ensuring each party feels respected and secure. For example, if you’re paying maintenance, your new partner may contribute more to household expenses – but this should be agreed on, not assumed,” she says.

Avoid disharmony after death

Deceased estates of parents in blended families are often the source of heated disputes. Steyn offers the following tips to avoid family conflicts around estates, retirement savings, and life policies:

• Update beneficiaries. “Ensure the nominated beneficiaries for retirement funds and life policies reflect your current wishes. This is often overlooked and can cause major conflict. Be sure to check on these when you meet with your financial planner.”
• Draft a clear, values-based will. “Ensure that the legal aspects of your will are sound, but go beyond the legal requirements. Include a personal letter that explains your intentions and affirms your love for all parties. This can soften emotional reactions and reduce misunderstandings.”
• Use trusts wisely. “If you want to protect assets for children from a previous marriage while still providing for your new family, a trust may be the solution, but it should be explained clearly to all parties.”
• Facilitate family conversations. “If appropriate, host a family meeting (with or without a financial planner present) to gently walk through your estate intentions. This builds trust and reduces surprises,” Steyn says.

On life policies and retirement fund benefits, Abrahams says that a will does not override a policy or contract. “In other words, you cannot use your will to change whom you've nominated in your insurance or retirement documents. The nomination in the policy will take precedence on your death.” 

He adds that, if there’s a maintenance order in place for spousal or child support, that obligation will be dealt with first by the executor of your estate before any heirs receive their inheritance. 

In conclusion, Steyn says that, through clarity and compassion, blended families thrive when financial planning is rooted in respect, transparency, and emotional intelligence. “As financial planners, we’re not just managing money; we’re helping people navigate love, legacy, and loyalty,” she says.

* Hesse is the former editor of Personal Finance.

PERSONAL FINANCE