How to introduce toys into the bedroom without making it awkward

Let’s be real: suggesting a sex toy in bed can feel like suggesting pineapple on pizza, controversial, misunderstood, and, if done wrong, it might kill the vibe.

But here’s the truth: sex toys aren’t a replacement, they’re a revelation. Used right, they can spice up your connection, unlock new sensations, and take intimacy to a whole new level.

If you’ve been thinking, “How do I bring this up without making it weird?”  you’re not alone. And you’re in the right place.

Talk about it… outside the bedroom

The best place to start the toy talk? Not during sex.

Bring it up casually, while driving,  cooking, walking, or cuddling on the couch. Try something like:

“Hey, I read this article about how couples are using toys together to make sex even better. Have you ever been curious about trying something like that?”

Keep it light, non-pressuring, and curious. You’re opening a conversation, not making a demand.

Frame it as an add-on, not a replacement

This is key: reassure your partner that toys are there to enhance, not replace, anyone or anything.

Say: “This could be something fun we explore together, it’s not because something’s wrong.”

Remember: many people (especially men) may feel threatened or insecure at first. Educate them gently: toys aren’t competition, they’re collaboration, a wingman, so to speak.

Start with Something Simple

Don’t go full Fifty Shades unless you’re both ready. Start small.

Beginner-friendly ideas:

• A bullet vibrator for external stimulation (yes, during penetrative sex too!)
• A vibrating cock ring that benefits both partners
• A lube-enhanced massage toy to turn foreplay into a five-star experience

Let curiosity lead the way. You can always level up.

Make it a joint shopping experience

Instead of surprising them with a box of latex and batteries, browse a website together.

Turn it into foreplay. Read product reviews, talk about what looks interesting, or laugh at the wild ones. You might be surprised what they’re open to once the pressure’s off.

Lube up and play slowly

Lube is your best friend, especially if you’re introducing something new. It reduces friction and adds comfort (and fun!).

Take your time. Explore. Let it be experimental, not performative.

Set the tone with: “Let’s just try this, no expectations, if we like it, amazing. If not, no big deal.”

You’re not trying to impress each other. You’re trying to connect.

De-Brief Afterwards

Yes, we’re suggesting a post-play chat, but keep it low-key. Ask:

• “How did that feel?”
• “Anything you want more or less of next time?”
• “Should we try that again?”

Celebrate what felt good. Laugh about what didn’t. The after-talk builds trust and emotional intimacy, which is super sexy.

My partner and I have often been in hysterics, especially when we used the toy for something it wasn’t designed for. That’s a story for a different day. 

It’s not awkward, it’s intimate

Talking about sex toys can feel awkward… until it doesn’t.

When you lead with curiosity, communication, and care, you turn a “weird” idea into a playful, trust-building experience that can deepen your connection in (and out of) the bedroom.

And remember: the most erotic thing you can bring to bed is an open mind.

Bonus tip: play is sexy

You’re never too old, too shy, or too new to explore pleasure together. Whether it’s your first toy or your fiftieth, Lola Montez has your back (and your front).

Want help choosing your first toy as a couple? Drop us a message - we’re here for the awkward questions too.