Navigating finances as a couple: Tips for harmony and collaboration

Couples often have very different shopping "personalities". One partner arrives with a precise list and sticks to it; the other leaves with the latest cereal flavour, chocolate slab or magazine, and forgets the milk.

Family budgeting often works the same way: one partner wants to track every cent, while the other believes balance will come naturally. Neither approach is right or wrong - the key is learning how to combine your money personalities so your budgeting runs smoothly, it feels fair, and you’re working together toward shared goals.   At the end of the day, its about building a partnership.

Lee Hancox, head: channel and segment marketing at Sanlam, says: “We all have blind spots. My Sanlam Money Personality is the Prepared Protector – I’m family-focused, responsible and security-minded – but I know that sometimes I can miss out on the upside because I’m too cautious. On the other hand, a Spontaneous Buyer may bring joy and balance by nudging the family to spend on things that create memories. It’s about how you work together, not about who is right.”

Why Couples See Money Differently

Money is never just about numbers. It carries history, emotion, heritage and even power dynamics. A partner who grew up in a household where money was scarce may always stockpile ‘two of everything’ to feel safe. Another who grew up with abundance may spend freely, believing more will always come. These patterns are deeply ingrained and shape not only how couples manage bills, but also what lessons they want to pass on to their children.

“It’s not just about what you earn or what the bills are,” says Hancox. “It’s about culture, childhood experiences, even what you want your children to learn about money. Two people living side by side can approach it completely differently. That’s why aligning on values and goals is key.”

What if You’ve Been Hiding Receipts?

Many couples fall into the habit of hiding small purchases – whether it’s treats, clothes, or gadgets – because they don’t want to trigger a fight. But secrecy around spending chips away at trust.

Hancox says: “That behaviour doesn’t help in the long run. The way to turn it around is by being open: ‘I know I’ve been hiding these little spends, and I really want us to get better at talking about money.’ It’s not about asking your partner to fix it – it’s about owning the behaviour, being accountable, and building it into the conversation.”

One way to avoid falling into secrecy is to agree on the non-negotiables as a couple – things like servicing debt, covering household expenses, and putting money aside for the future – and then giving each partner freedom with what’s left.

“Budgeting should include space for joy. There’s nothing wrong with shopping or spoiling yourself if you plan for it,” Hancox adds.

Practical Advice for Couples

Hancox shares some practical steers to help couples with different money personalities and histories to find common ground:

• Take your money personalities quiz: Understanding your own style makes it easier to understand your partner. Sharing your money personality report can be a fun, neutral way to start the conversation.
• Align on your values and goals: Keep coming back to what you both want – whether that’s paying off debt, retiring early, or travelling more. Shared values are your anchor. Keep reviewing these annually and during life shifts.
• Lead with curiosity: Ask how your partner grew up with money or what financial values they want to pass on. Once you know the why behind someone’s habits, it’s much easier to find middle ground.
• Move away from negative self-talk: Instead of always saying, ‘I’m bad with money,’ you can shift to, ‘I’m learning new skills, I’m sorting my debt out, I’m on a better path.’ That’s much more empowering. And your partner can help reinforce that by saying, ‘You did a really good job this month,’ or noticing when you’ve been more conscious with spending.
• Find a balance that feels fair: There’s no one-size-fits-all. Some couples keep separate accounts, others share everything, but what matters is honesty, openness, and dividing responsibilities according to each partner’s strengths.
• Have hard conversations in neutral spaces: Don’t raise it while juggling kids and dinner. Go for a walk or have a coffee when you’re both relaxed. Setting makes all the difference.
• Bring in a financial adviser: Sometimes a neutral third party can help you move past stalemates and see the bigger picture.
• Explain the deeper why: If you’re asking for compromise – like stricter tracking or looser spending – explain the reason behind it. It helps your partner understand instead of feeling policed.
• Realise no one is right: Budgeting isn’t about one person winning. It’s about both giving a little and adjusting a little.

Turning Differences Into Strengths

Hancox believes money personalities should be a source of balance, not conflict. “If you’re too strict, you risk joyless saving. If you’re too relaxed, you risk overspending. But together, you can find balance. It’s about compromise – giving a little, adjusting a little, and keeping aligned on your shared values.”

Ultimately, a family budget is about more than numbers. It’s about building trust, removing stress, and creating space for the life you want as a couple – and as a family.