Erectile dysfunction: a health warning, not a life sentence

Men hardly ever ask for help. Not in the traffic, not at work and hardly ever when it comes to intimacy and sex. Mostly, it’s women who first raise their concerns and here’s the kicker, they take responsibility and think with certainty that it is their fault. Sadly, many men often blame their partners and fail to deal with the issue at hand, excuse the pun. 

I’m talking about erectile dysfunction (ED). Just saying the words can make some men want to hide under the duvet and never come out. 

But here’s the truth: it’s common, it’s not the end of your sex life, and with the right attitude and a little help, you and your partner can absolutely get through it.

So, what exactly is ED?

In simple terms, ED is when the equipment doesn’t rise to the occasion as expected or doesn’t stay in the game long enough to play. It’s not a reflection of your masculinity, your worth, or how much your partner fancies you. It’s simply the body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s up… but not that.”

What causes it?

The culprits behind ED can be many:

• Physical causes like high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, or even side effects from medication. This is important; you must start here. Get yourself checked out or take out life insurance.
• Lifestyle factors such as too much booze, too little exercise, or one too many greasy takeaways.
• Psychological factors like stress, anxiety, depression, or worrying about performance (yes, the fear of ED can cause ED).
• Ageing. One of the condom manufacturers talks about the 5-finger erection. Hold your hand out with your thumb facing the ceiling. When you’re much younger, that’s where it starts and starts to sag to your small finger with age. 

Often, it’s a mix of body and mind teaming up against you.

Let’s be honest, when things don’t work as expected in the bedroom, it can feel like a big blow to the ego. Men often tie their self-worth to performance, so ED can make you feel “less than.” But here’s the reminder: your partner fell for you, not just your bits. Confidence comes from connection, not just performance.

ED can create distance if it’s not talked about. 

One partner may feel rejected, the other embarrassed, and suddenly both are avoiding intimacy altogether. The good news? Most partners just want honesty and reassurance; it’s usually not as big a deal to them as it feels to you.

What to do about it

First things first: don’t ignore it. ED can sometimes be an early warning sign of health issues, so a chat with the doctor is a must and the very first step. Beyond that:

• Improve lifestyle habits. Eat better, move more, cut down on alcohol.
• Look at stress management. Relaxation and sleep are your friends.
• Explore medical treatments, from pills to pumps and penis rings. They can be fun and are freely available. Try online at lolamontez.co.za 
• Do kegel exercises. They are not just for women. Strong kegels will help you maintain a strong erection and will also help prevent urine leaks. You find the muscle you need to work by withholding the urine flow and that muscle you used in your youth, making the penis jump! 
• Try therapy if anxiety or relationship stress is playing a role.

Talking about it is the tricky bit, right? But here’s the secret: the more you don’t talk about it, the bigger it becomes. Try:

• Pick a relaxed, non-intimate moment to bring it up and raise your concerns do not talk about it in the heat of the moment. 
• Being honest: “I’m struggling with this, and I’d like us to figure it out together.” She will melt and she won’t judge or laugh. 

Remember, intimacy is about closeness, laughter, and touch, not just penetration. If you are both an older couple, I’d hesitate to guess that she is battling with penetration because of the ravages of her own ageing. 

You may both have to reevaluate what intimacy looks and feels like and up your techniques. Remember, for woman the clitoris needs more attention. 

ED isn’t the end of romance. It’s just a bump in the road. With the right care, communication, and a willingness to try new things, it can actually strengthen your relationship. After all, when you can laugh, talk, and support each other through the tough and floppy times, you’re building intimacy that lasts far longer than any quick fix.