Since you’re taking the time to read this column, I presume that irrespective of where you are in your journey, you’re chasing success. What does it mean to make it big? Or, how would you know when you have achieved success?
One of my coaching clients recently shared their internal conflict about not feeling very successful. The feeling of “am I really successful?” is a common anxiety which, at some point or another, we are all prone to.
But the irony of that particular coaching discussion was that my client had enjoyed a stunning corporate career that spanned more than two decades and saw many promotions along the way.
And apart from his successful corporate career, a few months earlier he had embarked on an entrepreneurial journey where he followed his dream to start a consultancy. Within months of launching, he had signed up enough clients to meet his revenue targets.
You might be wondering where in a situation like that could insecurity about personal success come from?
It’s no secret. We live in a more-of-everything world where we perceive that to be a lot we have to do a lot, learn a lot, read a lot, travel a lot, own a lot, earn a lot, spend a lot, hoard a lot, entertain a lot
And, once we’re done, we have to step up to the next level. At this point we start searching because we’ve achieved a lot, owned a lot, earned a lot, spent a lot, worked a lot, travelled a lot
We are a lot right? But why then do we feel this little? We feel this way because we live in a society where we’re chasing bigger, better, faster, stronger; a society in which only more-than-the-guy-next-door is more. Where we look at the world through our want-more glasses but can’t see what really matters.
Most of us have more than we could ever need and yet we live our lives in a false state of deprivation. We value the meaningless things that we accumulate along the journey more than we value the things in life that should mean the most.
We attach labels of success and status based on the glamour of the home, vehicle, clothes, gadgets and gizmos. We believe our personal success and status depend on these things, and so work harder and longer for the fancy house and manicured garden we never get to enjoy.
We’re stuck in a vortex and a state of disillusionment for we’ve acquired the things that society tells us should make us feel successful, but we’re feeling more stressed and depleted than ever before.
When you look at your life, you either see the glamorous things you've acquired - the fancy home, fancy car, heaps of clothes, and the latest gadgets and gizmos - or you see a lack in your belongings when compared to the guy-next-door, a colleague or some preconceived illusion of success.
What then is the response to the question about where does self-doubt around personal success come from?
When you reach various milestones, achieve your goals but fail to acknowledge your success, it is often as a result of you comparing yourself to society’s version of success or to a measure of success that does not hold true for you.
In the case of my client, the source of his self-doubt stemmed from comparing himself to a colleague who shared a similar corporate journey.
The colleague (whom you will recognise as the man-next-door) drove an expensive car, dressed in branded wear and often travelled to exotic locations on holiday.
My client’s outer world was the opposite because he did not value any of those things. His outer world represented his values; he had started a business to create freedom to spend more time with and do more for his family while enjoying life’s pleasures.
The comparison of his outer world to someone else’s and assuming their outer world represented real success caused undesirable self-inflicted levels of unhappiness coupled with an unhealthy level of self-doubt.
The fact is, when you compare your outer world to that of someone who values different things to you, you will always feel at a loss.
If you compare your outer world to what you value most in your inner world, you will be able to acknowledge your success and celebrate how it is reflected in the world. You are unique, embrace it, succeed in life in a way that is true to you and you would have made
it big.
* Usha Maharaj CA (SA), is a certified brain-based coach, life-long learner and corporate veteran with more than 16 years’ field experience in a global Big Four audit firm.
She unveils the most common career pitfalls, and shines a light on the tips and tools that differentiate the ordinary from the extraordinary, in order to help you achieve the success you want and to help you be a better you.