By Sarah Rappaport
The sex scenes between the duke and Daphne on Netflix's regency romance “Bridgerton”, and those between Daemon Targaryen and Mysaria on HBO's “House of the Dragon”, have one thing in common: They were filmed with the use of an intimacy co-ordinator.
The job is new to TV and film sets and only started gaining prominence as the entertainment industry made changes to prioritise safety and mental health on set following the rise of the #MeToo movement in 2017.
A sex scene on a show such as “Bridgerton” might look spontaneous, but a lot of work goes into it making it as seamless and safe as possible. The intimacy co-ordinator talks with the director and actors beforehand about what they're comfortable with simulating – or willing to simulate.
They will work with performers to outline what parts of the body are acceptable for touch, based on their comfort level, and what parts are off limits. They'll discuss with wardrobe such items as “modesty socks”, which allow male actors to be nude for the camera while protecting their dignity.
And the intimacy co-ordinator will work out the choreography – who is touching whom and when – the way a stunt co-ordinator would stage a fight for the camera. With movie magic, body parts don't have to be touching for it to appear so on screen.
In 2018, HBO became one of the first major networks to require that all of its shows featuring sexually intimate scenes have such a co-ordinator. In 2020, the Screen Actors Guild (SAG-AFTRA), unveiled guidelines for intimacy co-ordinators – and later released standards for training and vetting – after consulting members and such trade bodies as the producers' and directors' guilds.
The 160 000 member-strong actors’ union takes the position that intimacy co-ordinators should be used in scenes involving nudity or simulated sex – or on request for other hyper-exposed scenes.
As a result, demand for intimacy co-ordinators has boomed since 2020, with the union seeing calls from people interested in becoming intimacy co-ordinators and from producers wanting to hire some.
Their focus is acting before a crisis to create a safety net for members, not just being in a reactive situation where most of the industry was before 2017.
Still, not everyone sees the meteoric rise of intimacy co-ordinators on set as a positive thing. Actor Sean Bean told the “Times” that intimacy co-ordinators “spoil the spontaneity of scenes”.
His comments drew backlash on social media. Actor Rachel Zegler said “intimacy co-ordinators establish an environment of safety for actors”, adding that she was extremely grateful for the one she worked with in shooting “West Side Story”.
Emma Thompson said on a radio programme, in response to Bean's comments, that “intimacy co-ordinators are the most fantastic introduction in our work. And no, you can't just 'let it flow' … there's a camera there and a crew. It's not on your own in a hotel room. You're surrounded by a bunch of blokes carrying things. So it's not a comfortable situation, full stop.”
In Thompson's most recent film, British sex comedy-drama “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande”, she plays a woman who employs a younger sex worker. The film didn't use an intimacy co-ordinator, following a discussion among director and cast.
The job of intimacy co-ordinator itself can be best compared to that of a stunt co-ordinator, according to intimacy co-ordinator Lizzy Talbot, who has worked on such productions as Netflix smash-hits “Bridgerton” and “The Witcher” and Hulu's “Fire Island”.
She says her job is a mix of advocating for the cast, liaising with production and the heads of such departments as make-up and costume, and helping choreograph sex scenes.
“You wouldn't improvise a fight scene; you shouldn't improvise an intimate scene,” says Talbot, who was previously a fight co-ordinator. She sees a need to protect mental health on set as physical health is protected in stunts; mental trauma, however invisible, is no less real.
“The attitude toward mental health in this industry has changed dramatically,” says Talbot. “For so long, film has had this attitude where you just get on with it on sets, but the industry has taken stock and looked at itself and realised that it needs positive change.”
Talbot says her job embodies the change, and says she's seen a massive increase in demand for it.
She says her work includes advocating for the mental health of members of the cast and crew as well. It's a sentiment shared by intimacy co-ordinator Alexandra Tydings, who has worked on such projects as the upcoming “City on Fire” for Apple TV+ and “Flatbush Misdemeanors” on Showtime.
She says she first heard first about intimacy co-ordination from a friend who had spoken up early about problems regarding producer Harvey Weinstein.
“I started off as an actress. I've done sex scenes, I've done nudity, I know exactly what it feels like to be on that side of the camera without an intimacy co-ordinator,” says Tydings, who played Aphrodite in “Xena: Warrior Princess”.
“When you shoot a regular scene, you get direction from everyone on set. You'll get a make-up artist telling you to lift your chin, or the (director of photography) directing you toward the lights, or even direction from the focus puller.
“But when we did a sex scene, it was like: Go. Okay! Full cameras, and that's it – that's all you're going to give me? And no one wanted to deal with it or had the language to talk about it.”
She explained that her job could save producers money. Scenes that are choreographed instead of improvised can be lit and filmed faster, saving the production time – which equals money during a busy filming schedule.
“I talked to a director who told me a story before intimacy co-ordinators, where everyone was so freaked out about the sex scene that one of the actors bought a fifth of vodka and was just, like, 'I'm going to give everyone a shot.' That's not very healthy,” says Tydings who highlights the importance of open communication before shooting scenes.
“Part of our job is us interrupting the power dynamic between production and actors, and just acknowledging the basic fact that for actors, it's really hard to say no,” she says.
British actress Alix Wilton Regan, who starred in such films as “The Wife” (with Glenn Close), recalls an unpleasant experience in a film rehearsal before the advent of intimacy co-ordinators.
“We were rehearsing a scene where me and the lead actor were furiously making out, and it was insinuated that the characters would have sex. The director asked what we would be comfortable wearing, and I said a bra and knickers, or something like that, because I had a no-nudity clause in my contract.
“And he still said, ‘Well, can I at least have your nipples’,” says Wilton Regan. “A director should never be saying that to an actor in the first place, but I firmly believe that if there was an intimacy co-ordinator there to begin with, that conversation would have never happened.”
She thinks the rise of intimacy co-ordinators can only benefit actors and should be especially necessary for any scene that involves sexual violence.
“If one in four women in the world have experienced sexual assault, then it's likely that someone on set – whether that's the actress or producer or make-up – has experienced that,” says Wilton Regan.
“And when we're filming sexually violent scenes, then it's needed to have to have an intimacy co-ordinator on set to protect the person who could be victimised by that situation.”
Tydings says that part of her training to become an intimacy co-ordinator was to learn to recognise a response to trauma and to help people should they go into an emotional spiral or become too uncomfortable to turn down a request.
Informed consent, she says, is crucial: “Producers are seeing the necessity of the job I do, more and more. I'm getting hired for stuff that doesn't even have nudity or simulated sex.”