One or two million years ago, humans found fire.
It's quite a wide range in time but experts can’t quite decide, it seems.
Whatever they think, I bet it was a woman who harnessed those first sparks.
Picture it: one million years ago a woman in the Wonderwerk Cave in the Northern Cape was freezing her ass off while working her way through a pile of dirty furs. She had already dragged stomach-fillings of water 30m into the cave, where scientists found the oldest confirmed fire remnants, and she was pounding the dirt out with her stones.
As she scrubbed, her fingers turned to icy prunes. They were even too sore to rub the great patches of hair missing from where her Neanderthal mate had dragged her to the cave to make the most of the woolly mammoth he and his buddies had caught.
She was also probably anticipating how the family would complain about her serving up cold cuts of woolly mammoth - “oh, no that again!” - as she pondered what other herbs she could hunt ‘n gather to add a little variety. No Google searches for 100 Ways With Woolly Mammoth.
Then, as she struck that great furry laundry, she missed and hit the stone the skin was balanced on.
Suddenly, a breeze filtered in and sparks spread to the still-waiting-for-a-wash pile.
What yellow magic was this? Oh, the burn when she tried to hold it! But that wonderful warmth must be saved and to hell with the dirty washing.
How confused she must have been until she figured out how to save it in a hollowed rock. The joy of a family sitting around a fire eating braaied woolly mammoth.
They would have seen natural fires started by lightning, so it was not entirely new to our ancestors, but conjuring it up on their own had been the puzzle. Some scientists believe homo erectus must have started eating cooked food two million years ago because their intestines shrunk with easier digestion, so our woman may have previously thrown a few woolly mammoths onto veldfires and stashed the remains in their cold caves.
The Wonderwerk Cave fire discovery contained burnt bones and plants - she clearly was a beginner in the kitchen - and a hearth. Scientists say the evidence is solid because, being so deep inside the cave, it couldn’t have blown in from a natural fire.
This little fire fantasy was inspired by a couch discussion of how we could sever ties with the “grid” and return to the simple life of basic survival which led to curiosity about who found fire. About what we could live without - the chargers and smartphones and microwaves and fridges and washing machines and fans in summer - and we decided we couldn’t really. And that in fact we were rather grateful that the harnessing of fire made our ancestors’ brains bigger (powered by more energy from better food) and smarter as the eons went by so they could invent said appliances and electronics.
Let’s hope it’s not another two million years before our utility providers discover ways to keep their products flowing to where we need them, when we need them. Now off to Google 100 Ways with Toasted Cheese Sarmies.
- Lindsay Slogrove is the news editor
The Independent on Saturday